When a pet dies, all members of the family feel the grief and will mourn. But the little humans often hurt even more than the big humans. The death of one of us is often the first time a little human experiences death, and how parents and other big humans handle this grief is important and helps a little human to learn about loss.
Just as with any death, the stages of grief will be experienced. The stages of grief are called: disbelief/denial, anger, bargaining/magical thinking, depression, and acceptance.
Little humans will usually experience these stages more quickly than big people. Sometimes stages are even skipped. And sometimes, “Buddy is dead. Can I have a cookie?” is how it goes on a daily basis. Tears, then distraction. Tears. Then distraction. It’s also dependent on the age of the little human and their understandin’ of it.
Also, questions about the return of a dog friend can happen. Be sure your little human knows that their furry family member will not be alive again, that death is not catchy, and that it is okay to feel sad. It’s also okay to not feel sad and to love and enjoy their living pets.
Some things I’ve seen in helping a child with grief over a pet include:
- A funeral and burial.
- A memorial gift from parents like an ornament, simple piece of jewelry, or other item like a stuffed animal.
- A grief card.
- A nice picture with the pet hung some place important.
And, if the pet is terminally ill and euthanasia is planned, a proper good bye may be essential. Ask your small human what he or she wants to do. Some want to say good bye and others do not. Oh, and don’t ever say that death is like sleepin’ or I’ll never ever be allowed to take a nap again!
The stages of grief don’t go in a straight line for anyone. People and pets will experience different emotions at different times and will not go smoothly from one stage to the next. It’s a process, not a set of instructions, and it can be a messy process.
Most of all, be patient and lovin’ to your small humans. Allow children to grieve as they need, or not at all. Just as every human smells unique, every human has a unique set of feelin’s and needs.
Thank you for this. It is good to know what could help a child grieve if they lose a pet. Our cat is getting old and my daughter is very attached to our cat.
I really don’t want to think about this as I was the one who had it backwards..I had the pets who grieved over loosing our Randy ..I was blessed with him for 20 yrs and the pets had him ..well one Sable the cat had longest at 11,Smokie her son at 4 and Rocky, 4.They grieve too i found out .To my amazement they sure wanted nothing happening to me so the oldest cat saved me from pneumonia (heard rattle in chest doc said) and the chihuahua Rocky is on a major mission of finding kids with juvy diabetes and have 3 so far he saved.
Pets are blessed little people and when in the hospital recently,nurse asked me.”Who is next of kin? ‘ I loss mom and brother too right after Randy so never really thought about the mourning process.
That did it..Oh my ,I lost all kin in 6 weeks so tell my pets to call local medical college as what i been through ,,I know learning on my donated body would have to be a science in there somewhere and at 55 ,I am lucky to have 2 close friends ,I guess they would help them.
Thank you for a wonderful read and another chance to try and live with joy of pets and what they loss too
I remember losing our first dog. He was my dog, I named him and grew up with him. My dad was not one to have any animals put to sleep, they actually died at our house of old age. It was extremely difficult and so hard of a loss for my sister and I. But, this was a lesson in life and actually taught us to have empathy for animals.
I Lost a pet while I was pregnant so my kids haven’t dealt with pet loss yet but we have a dog now so I know they will have to in the future Thanks for the tips those will help a lot when we do have to deal with it
Thank you for sharing this. Pets are so much a part of all of our lives. I know the death of a pet really affects children. They don’t always understand. Thank you for sharing this great article
I currently have two dogs that are dying.
My pitbull is 10 (or almost 10) she has cancer for the second time, last time was when she was 8. We paid a crap ton of money and she only had 10% chance to surviving surgery. but she made it. unfortunately her cancer is back and she’s not eligible to have the surgery again. We’ll be having a vet come to the house and put her down when she gets worse off. But until then we have a bucket list type thing for her and well be having a blast!
Then I have my Pomeranian who will be 15 next month. He is blind, deaf and has no teeth. he can’t find his food or water bowl and more or go outside unattended. :/
I don’t really think my kids will take it that hard, they’re 5 and 2. but I’ll be a wreck. I’ve had both all their lives.
(sorry, apparently I just used this to vent and spill my guts about my babies!)
It actually doesn’t get easier as we grow up, too – especially for those of us who are especially attached to our furbabies. I’ve actually had a harder time dealing with the loss of those pets we’ve had to say good-bye to than my daughters have. Those losses have also affected my daughters, mind you. I guess my own grief allowed me to understand better what my girls were also feeling. Too many parents expect children to just move on when they lose a pet. Grieving along with my daughters has actually helped all of us.
I agree! I, myself, have lost a beloved pet to bone cancer. It was one of the hardest times of my life. Actually, I am still not over it completely and it has been a couple of years now. Kids are no different and they need to be allowed to grieve in their own way and their own time frame. Everyone grieves differently and we all just need to be accepting of that.
My deep condolences to your dear chopper who passed away a few years ago. I would have posted on your article about having to let him go as diabetes took over, but comments are not doable on that page.
When my kindred spirit, Molly, who was the same age as me, when she passed away (age 11 only), it was like a world crashing down for me. I slept in her bed that night. We held a funeral for her and planted a tree. I wrote my first violin composition for her (and decades later still play now and then or have students perform the piece). She will forever be with me in my heart.
Thank you so much for sharin! My heart goes out to you for your loss also!
Thanks for posting. Great to know these things for helping a child grieve through the loss of a pet.
Oh not looking forward to this when the time comes. We’ve had our Wrigley since our oldest was a year and a half old. Our boys love her so much. She’s only about to be four though, so hopefully we have many more loving years with her.
(Helping a Child with Grief over a Pet) I remember back in the seventies when we finally had to put our good old boy shepherd named Sarge put to sleep because he could barely walk any longer. Myself and my three brothers cried for days.
Thank you for posting about this. We are dealing with this right now since our cat, Kiwi passed away on Jan. 3rd. My kids are older, but it still hit them hard. 🙁
We have been dealing with this with our 7 year old twins for the last couple of months. They are adjusting but it has been hard loosing the pet they have had since the day they were born.